Wednesday, October 15, 2008

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I dont have specifically anything to say.

Numero Uno: My presentation went horribly wrong. went over the time and for no reason I was shaking badly. The lack of sleep, unpreparedness and thinking of talking whether in aussie accent or my own accent.

Number two: That lead to very crappy feeling within me for the rest of the day and night. Even 10 hours of sleep didnt make me happy.

Nombor tiga: My mum was angry that I didnt tell her about my presentation before I went on. I thought I did but yeah. She told me that I should prepare for my next presentation and to take care of myself. I had been sick for the past couple of days.

Was watching a movie about this man yesterday. he wanted to kill himself when everything around him went wrong. HE told his son that he didnt want to become his father and he had never wanted him. I almost cried hearing him say that. Why would anyone say that to their child.

Too many buried feelings within me. Feeling of resentment, vulnerability and non confidence lurks within me all the time.

Sometimes its as if everything that I cared about so much just blow up in my face and I will blame it on myself. My heart and confidence will shatter. But the thing about me is that you wont see me upset for too long but the truth is I never recover. I lie about what I feel all the time. I never really deal with this stuff properly but store it in some closet and hope it dissapears.

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