not in the mood

there is this nagging feeling within me when I think of the end of my exams being 3days away. I suddenly feel excited. It feels unbelievably nerve wrecking and yet that taste of the sweetness of victory and accomplishment feels seemingly clearer to me. I was watching legally blonde yesterday and when I saw Elle Woods wear that graduate gown standing on the stands giving her speech, I felt that I am so totally close to that achievement. I felt as if all the hard work, days and nights of worry, the sadness of being pushed down and the feeling of being high and rising above all circumstances was all worth it.

When I was about 10, I realized life was not like the fairy tale books that I read when I was 4 or 5. Nothing like beauty and the beast, peter pan, bambi or anything with the happily ever after ending. My life was real and in reality even at that tender age I knew the harshness of separation, lost and overwhelming sadness. Nothing really prepared me for that but I learnt and persevered. I learn how to care for the people around me and weed out any impostors in my life. That trait is still with me today. People I keep in contact with even though not as regularly are the ones that I still care about deeply. At that point I realised that the dreams of happily ever after was defunct and a new dream transpired. A dream to be as happy as I can while achieving the best possible life for me and my loved ones.

Then when I was 14, I went to Gold Coast Australia for a family holiday. I instantly become infatuated with the place. Wide open spaces, nice beaches, the relaxing atmosphere. I also found out that I could complete my degree in 2 years if I chose to take my diploma right after O levels. I had planned since then that I will complete my degree here in Australia. For that I had to choose something new and trendy in Polytechnic. I kept my plan a secret for almost 6 years. Occasionnally I did think of joining the local university, but I was a dreamer and I wanted to dream big. I wanted my 6 year dream to come true. I worked my arse off in Polytechnic and got the GPA in which no University will turn me down. And turn me down they never did. However I ended in the University of Newcastle which I have never heard off because of the courses that they offerred. And 10 months after diploma graduation there I was flying across borders to get to my dream.

I keep on dreaming and dreaming. Accomplished everything I wanted to do here academically, socially and adventure-wise (except for maybe bungee jumping, or jumping off the plane) and it has brought me here..to this last 3 days of being an official University student.

The reason I dream this big is because my mum always says to me "show the world that malays can do accomplish big things and a person from a broken home can also succeed....No stereotypes"

I can do this....We can do this....Yes We Can---Sorry OBAMA, a new PM of Singapore is in town